Taken from the Encouraging Christian Connection website
A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service. “And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us.”
****
A mother was teaching her three-year-old the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to pray solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end, when the child said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email.”
****
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. Then she would alternately stroke her own cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, saying, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh,” she said and paused, “Grandpa, did God make me, too?”
“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said. “God made you just a little while ago.”
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed: “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”
****
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”
****
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the boy. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made an ugly face, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
****
Down in the South, there are many churches known as “answer back” churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.
One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said, “If this church is to become better, it must take up it’s bed, and walk.” The congregation said, “Let it walk, preacher, let it walk.”
Encouraged by their response, he went further. “If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside its hindrances and run!” The congregation replied, “Let it run, preacher, let it run.”
Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. “If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up its wings and fly!” The congregation shouted, “Let it fly, preacher, let it fly!”
The preacher got louder. “if this church is going to fly, it will cost money.”
The congregation replied: “Let it walk, preacher, let it walk.”
****
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and told the class that he was going to prove that there was no God.
He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes.” Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.”
He got down to the last couple of minutes as a big 240-pound Christian Marine happened to walk by the door on his way to a school recruiting meeting. He stopped and listened to what the professor said.
The Marine walked into the classroom and in the last minute, hit the professor full force, sending him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and asked, “Where did you come from, and why did you do that?”
The Marine replied, “God was busy; He sent me!”
****
A minister told his congregation, “Next week, I plan to preach on the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several hands went up.
The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
****
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote, “Revelation 3, verse 20” on the back and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message: “Genesis 3, Verse 10.”
Reaching to his Bible to check out the scripture, he broke out in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 reads: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”
Genesis 3:10 reads: “I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked . . . . “
****
I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Mommy, what happened to him?” my son asked.
“He died and went to heaven,” I replied.
My son thought for a moment and then asked:
“And God threw him back down?”
